Confessions of a Dildo Slinger

We tend to get this question a lot –

 “Is flavored lube edible?”.

It does boil down to semantics, but there is a huge difference between edible and lickable. If an item is actually edible, then you can eat it in its entirety. If an item is lickable, then you should only lick it (unlike a blow pop!).

When it comes to lube, there’s a good reason that none of them are edible. It won’t kill you or even hurt you. But eating an excessive about of lube will do what it was made to do… lubricate your insides. Which can lead to a slippery situation..hahhaaha!

Here’s a story that I heard about a store employee. She loved our Sex Tart Lubricant! Well they’re tart and tangy, so who doesn’t. We sell them in 6oz, 2oz, and little 6cc pillow packs. She would grab a pillow pack and walk around the store sucking on the pillow pack of lube as she worked. She said…”They just taste soo good!” Well until a day or two later when she couldn’t get to work because leaving her bathroom was not an option at that point! OH MY! So lick, play and deep throat away, but always remember….


Well now that you’ve graduated from fingers to plugs, let’s check out some ANAL CHAINS!! Anal chains can be refered to as chains, beads, or balls but they all do the same thing. So unlike a plug that you keep in while having sex, chains are a more active toy. It’s all about the act of putting each bead in and pulling each bead out. With this toy the use and purpose are the same for men and women so everyone gets to enjoy!!!

TYPES AND SAFETY: There are several different way that beads are made. Some are balls tied together on a a string with a loop at the end (shown left). These are very unsantiary. Because of the string, there is no way to clean them well enough to use again. You want to find a chain that is one material from top to bottom (shown right). Also it must have a loop at the end. With the plug you don’t have to worry about loosing it because of the large base to protect it from sliding in and getting lost, but with a chain it would be easy to loose without the loop. Most loops are not very substantial and could get pulled in too, so it’s safest to leave the last bead out. EXTRA SAFETY TIP: Count your beads before you put them in and count then when they come out! Just to make sure everything that went in also came out!!

Now now we get to the playing part!! YEAH!!

Once again, because the butt does not have any natural lubricant like a vagina you want to use plenty of lube. Try to keep it away from the loop so it doesn’t become slippery 🙂 Then while you are mid forplay you want to start pushing one bead at a time past the sphincter muscle. Once you have all (except the last) bead in, then you go at it with your partner!! Oh YEAH! When you sense your partner is about to orgasm, grap ahold of the loop at the end of the chain and right when your partner explodes… pull the chain out in one swift motion!! WOO HOO!!! This will hugely intensify the orgasm!!! Now that’s the way to do anal play!!!!

Here are several different types of chains that you can play with:


 Now you have all the information you need to dive in head first (hahehhe) to the anal world!! I hope you all have a great time and remember to have fun and stay safe!!!!

butt plug tailsNow that we’ve discussed beginners anal sex, it’s time to really explore the rest of this new world!

There are several popular anal accessories, but the most well known are butt plugs. So lets dive into the do’s and dont’s of plugs. Oh the glory of … Butt Plugs! These create that extra anal stimulation while having sex. Not to say that you can’t use it while alone 🙂 Have a blast.

  • For men, you can wear one while penetrating your partner for that extra “Umph”.
  • For women, you can use one while getting vaginal penetration for that D.P. (double penetration) feeling or you can use one while you penetrate someone with a strap-on.

SAFETY FIRST: Your butt plug needs to have a wide, tapered base. This is for your safety, so you don’t lose the toy!! This is very important. Most people don’t realize that although an anus is often referred to “exit only” by non-adventurous people, it’s natural function is to suck in. Also, unlike a vagina, the anus doesn’t end – there is no “back wall”. So if you do lose something it may end up out of your reach, which leads to Emergency room visits and embarrassing x-rays! SO BE CAREFUL!

Now that we’ve gotten all that out-of-the-way, let’s get into the fun of PLUGS!!! 82500555v2_350x350_Front[1]



Start small! You can work your way up to bigger and better pieces, but test the waters and see what you enjoy. If you start too large, it could be uncomfortable and you might decide anal play just isn’t for you. The truth is large pieces are not for everyone, so try some different stuff!! There are many training kits to start you off, such as the Sensafirm Booty Bumpers.

Now that you’ve pick a plug that looks like the right size and has a flared base, you’re ready to start playing. Use plenty of lubricant to insert your plug. Start slow and relax. This will ease the entry of the plug. With a plug you’re just putting it in and leaving it there. You don’t want to try and penetrate back and forth like a dildo. Once it’s in, you’re ready to PARTY!!

Just for reference, here are a few different plugs you might enjoy!


Well good luck everyone and have a BLAST trying out different plugs!! And keep an eye out for my next blog… Anal Accessories, Part 2 – Anal Chains!!

blacklingerie20buttFor a lot of people anal sex is a taboo topic and WOW are they missing out.

FOR MEN, they were born with a MAJOR erogenous zone right past the sphincter, known as the prostate, a.k.a. p-spot….so men should definitely try it! (check out my “We found the G-spot, so now on to the P-spot!!!” post to find your special spot!)

FOR WOMEN, if it’s done while in the doggy style position, you can tilt your hips back and angle the penis/toy down which will directly hit the g-spot instead of rubbing next to it like during vaginal sex.

There are many different ways to enter the anal world. Like with all sex toys, start small and work your way up to bigger and more adventurous toys/positions. Many people experiment with finger insertion first. This is a great way to see if it’s a sensation that you’d like to further explore.

Tips for finger play:

  • Keep nails trimmed or use a finger condom.
  • Never go from the anus to the vagina without thoroughly washing your hands first.
  • Use lubrication.

Some people like the sensation, but don’t like using fingers or it’s uncomfortable due to long/fake nails. In that case, here’s a great product you can use:

Bottoms Up – Finger Rimmers:


After experimenting with finger/finger rimmers, then  you can move up to actually having anal sex. Generally if it’s your first time there are 2 things you want to remember: 1) the slower the better, 2) lots of lube!!

For your first time receiving, apply a generous amount of lube on you and your partner. Then place your hand on your partners hip and guide them by pushing and pulling on their hip. It’s very important to take your time and go at YOUR pace. This will prevent any discomfort. Also remember to breathe and relax and have FUN!

Then once you get rockin’ and rollin’, then you can start working on adding more accessories. Check out my anal accessories blogs…COMING SOON!!!

anal_sex_month_promotional_advertis.jpg anal sex image by mrmachachi

ist2_3625278-g-and-p-spot-signSince Desiree prompted me to write about the P-spot after my blog on the it is!!!!!

First we need to locate the prostate! Just like looking for the g-spot, if a man is laying on his back and you insert a finger into his anus (please make sure your fingers are clean and use lubricant), you only need to insert to the second knuckle and then feel towards the belly button. Unlike the g-spot, when you find the mans prostate, you will feel the gland. It’s a small, round bulb about the size of a large walnut.

Now that we’ve found this wonderful gland let’s talk about stimulating it, otherwise known as milking the prostate! There is a special finesse to stimulating this gland, unlike the g-spot which is stimulated as long as you can find it.


  1. Gently massage it with a light waving motion along it’s sides, taking care not to press hard on the central area, where the sensitive nerves are located.
  2. The person being stimulated may experience a sensation that may feel like they need to go to the bathroom although they don’t have to. Try not to let this affect you, and continue with the process.
  3. After a few minutes, the prostate gland may be stimulated enough for ejaculation to occur.


If your partner doesn’t want to be digitally stimulated, there a many wonderful toys designed especially for the process. They are curved, like g-spot stimulator’s, so they hit just the right spot. Many of these toys also have perineum (area between the anus and the scrotum) stimulators. Since the perineum is a highly sensitive area, this is a wonderful sensation in conjunction with the p-spot stimulation! Check out one of our newest Bottoms Up P-Spot Pleaser!!!


Ok, so I know most of you have heard of “The Shocker”….but not everyone. So this page is to share the fun with the world!!  


The shocker is a hand gesture with a sexual connotation. The ring finger and thumb are curled or bent down while the other fingers are extended. The index and middle fingers are kept together (touching) and the back of the hand faces outwards (away from the gesturer).1     

I personally have a “special” spot in my heart for the shocker sayings. These precious rhymes became one of the best and longest running jokes with me and one of my favorite co-workers, Rolando Del Real. He inspired me to do this blog and I want to thank him for always encouraging me to think a little dirtier J Thanks Rolly!!!



Ok now on to the classic sayings associated with The Shocker move:

 2 in the pink, 1 in the stink

 2 in the flower, 1 in the mud

 2 in the goo, 1 in the poo

2 in the cha-cha, 1 in the ka-ka

2 in the pinkster, 1 in the sphincter

2 in the rug, 1 in the plug

2 in the clit, 1 in the shit

2 in the pump, 1 in the rump

2 in the grass, 1 in the ass

2 in the flower, 1 in the sour

2 in the loose, 1 in the caboose

2 in the pussy, 1 in the tushy

2 in the shooter, 1 in the tooter

2 in the snapper, 1 in the crapper

2 in the hairy, 1 in the scary

2 in the cut, 1 in the butt

2 in the flaps, 1 in the craps

2 in the easy, 1 in the sleazy

2 in the curtain, 1 for the hurtin’

2 in the fun, 1 in the bun

2 going down, 1 in the brown

2 in the Red, 1 in the Shed (during that time of the month)

2 in the slit, 1 in the shit

2 for the taco, 1 for her Paco

2 in the door, 1 on the floor

2 in the door, 1 in the gore

2 for the friend, 1 in the end

2 in the cunt, 1 in the runt

2 for the meat, 1 in her seatd

2 in the gear, 1 in the rear

2 for the pumper, 1 for the dumper

2 for the tube, 1 with some lube

2 in the cunt, 1 in the grunt

2 in the sock, 1 for the shock

2 in the junk, 1 in the trunk

2 in the girl, 1 in the swirl

2 in the cootie, 1 in the booty

2 in the porn, 1 for the corn

2 in the pink slot, 1 in the stink pot

2 in the juice, 1 in the caboose

2 from the hand, 1 for the gland

2 in the chute, 1 in the poot

2 for her, 1 for me!! Gross!!

2 in the pocket, 1 in the chocolate

2 for the Kitty, 1 in the shitty

2 for the team, 1 in the steam

2 in the Yale, 1 in the Brown

2 in the gunk, 1 in the funk

2 in the cooter, 1 in the pooter

2 in the meat pot, 1 in the corn slot

2 in the basket, 1 in the casket

2 in the front, 1 in the shunt

2 in the fun, 1 in the bun

2 in the gash, 1 in the stash

2 for the crack, 1 in the back

2 for the moose, 1 in the caboose

2 for the beav, 1 up her sleeve

2 in the skunk, 1 in the funk

2 in the zipper, 1 in the flipper

2 in the place, 1 in the ace

2 in the poon, 1 on the moon

2 up the river, 1 to make you shiver

2 in the hinge, 1 makes you cringe

2 for the stabbin, 1 for the cabin

2 in the muff, 1 in the stuff

2 in the play, 1 in the gay

2 for her, 1 for me!! Gross!!

2 in the pocket, 1 in the chocolate

2 in the cherry, 1 in the fairy

2 for the team, 1 in the steam

2 in the pleasure, 1 in the treasure

And my personal favorites!!

Checking the fever with two in the beaver

Going to town with one in the brown

We at Topco thought this was so hysterical that we created the bad seed double shocker!! 

Rolly and I were so proud!!!


Here are some more references from with some occurrences in culture and their references:

Occurrences in culture:

  • As for the actual use of the shocker, a columnist at The Daily Californian expressed her dissatisfaction of it during sex.[5]


^ Falls-Church News Press, online issue for March 2329, 2006; retrieved November 29, 2007.

  1. ^ SI on Campus, February 14, 2007; retrieved November 29, 2007.
  2. ^ CBS Sportsline, March 24, 2006; retrieved November 29, 2007.
  3. ^ [1]
  4. ^ Not-So-Shocking News, January 23, 2007; retrieved December 30, 2007.
  5. ^ Peaches – Rock The Shocker Lyrics; retrieved May 15, 2005.

If you have more sayings that I missed or just want to express your undying love of the Shocker and all the gifts it brings to us, then drop me a line!!

g-spotRecently, I was at an engagement party. When the brides friends realized what I did…the questions started. They wanted to know everything from lubes to anal play. Then one of the guys said the greatest thing ever!!


He starts off by saying all he has to do is barely put his finger in a girl and bend his finger a little bit and they go CRAZY! HAhahaaha!! I had to tell him “Well, honey that’s because you found the G-spot!” He was amazed that he found it and didn’t even know it. That made his friends go crazy, they now had a zillion questions for him. Absolutely the cutest moment ever!



So, now for everyone who does not know where the g-spot is or how you get a girl to go crazy with it, here’s the trick – second knuckle and towards the belly button! Easy as that! In case you need a more extensive explanation then that, here it is. When a girl is lying on her back, insert your finger to the second knuckle line and then curl your finger up towards the belly button with a “come here” motion. That’s all it takes!!!



If you’re looking for a toy that can pull off this trick, you want to look for one that has a curved tip like our Slimline G series. Anything that has a curved top will hit that special spot with ease. Also there are toys that will do that and more like the 5x G-Spot Hot Handle!! WOW it’s worth a spin!!

Slimline G5x Hot Handle